and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
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