You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
