Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
