is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
