i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
