THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
