I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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