We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
