After last night, I could never be a politician.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
