apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
