I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
