Three words: puerto rican gang bang
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
