My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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