He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
