if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
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