I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
