i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
