I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
