i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
