if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
