Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
this hospital has no fireball
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize