Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
