I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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