about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
