Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I think I just sharted jello shots
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
