Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
