theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Randomize
