he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize