you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
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