The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
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