I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
