i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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