how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
You don't make any sense
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