i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Randomize
