I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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