ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
