3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
