Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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