listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
