I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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