Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
