In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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