hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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