Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Randomize
