he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
