I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
