oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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