I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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