I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
