so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize