2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
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