I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Randomize
