You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
