I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Randomize
