I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize