I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
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