At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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