The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
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