Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
