I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
