uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
