I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
How many fucks given?
0.12846
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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