I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
