Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
