you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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