Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
