dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
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