I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
