Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
