The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize