She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
