apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Randomize
