Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Randomize
