We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
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